King’s CROWNing Authors with Ceejay Skuse

It’s time for the next King’s CROWNing Authors (Cajoling Random Observations Now) interview. Please welcome, Ceejay Skuse.

1. Have you ever gotten a writing cramp?

Yes, regularly. Sometimes you gotta stop and stretch out them digits or you end up with gnarled old Scroogey hands and no one wants those.

2. Would it be feasible to make a book cover from chocolate?

Yes, I’m actually pitching this to my publishers as I speak. At least then if readers hate my next book they can say ‘Well the story was crap but the cover tasted nice.’

3. List three of your top tips for throwing a tea party?

1. Get some tea, some cakes and a load of expensive crockery;

2. Invite some chimps;

3. stand back and watch shit go down.

4. Someone is bouncing a ball on a wall near your writing space, what will you do?

I would hold that person’s head by the ears and pull until it detached from their body, and then I would bounce it repeatedly against a wall near their headless, rotting corpse, to see how they like it.

5. The electricity has gone and you desperately need to eat a hot meal, what will you do?

Call Dominos. Duh.

6. Some artists look at the objects they paint upside down to get perspective. Have you ever read a book backwards?

Yes, I read Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone backwards. It’s about this weird kid who’s having this awesomely cool time at a wizarding school until he decides he likes being abused by his aunt and uncle and goes to live in their understair cupboard.

7. Do you listen to podcasts?

As in radio programmes beamed out live by peas? No, I don’t. Frankly, I don’t trust peas or what they have to say.

8. Please finish this sentence: And when she thought the drama of a simple game of fire rugby could get no more the…

… therapeutic, she received a flaming, elliptical sphere right in the face, causing her skin to melt off and her hair to burn away – she really couldn’t be trusted to make any good decisions when she’d been drinking.

9. Best piece of advice on growing up?

Don’t. Stay being a kid. It’s fun and you don’t get arrested. I don’t know a single adult person who thought growing up was a good idea.

10. Please ask me a question.

No, this is my time to shine.

Thank you for your answers.

About Ceejay Skuse

C.J. Skuse is represented by Andrew Nurnberg Associates. She is the author of PRETTY BAD THINGS, ROCKOHOLIC and DEAD ROMANTIC, was born in 1980 in Weston-super-Mare, England. She has First Class degrees in Creative Writing and Writing for Children and, aside from writing novels, works as a freelance children’s fiction consultant and lectures in Writing for Children at Bath Spa University.

C.J. loves Masterchef, Gummy Bears and murder sites. She hates carnivals, hard-boiled eggs and coughing. The movies Titanic, My Best Friend’s Wedding and Ruby Sparks were all probably based on her ideas; she just didn’t get to write them down in time. Before she dies, she would like to go to Japan, try clay-pigeon shooting and have Ryan Gosling present her with the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay.

Links

https://twitter.com/ceejaytheauthor

http://www.andrewnurnberg.com/authors/c-j-skuse/

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3188620.C_J_Skuse