It’s (not) Monday and we have our scheduled King’s C.R.O.W.N.ing Authors (Cajoling Random Observations Now) interview. Please welcome Daniel Handler, best known for his work under the pen name Lemony Snicket.

We are waiting for your wonderfully answers, Daniel.

1. When was the last time you flew a kite?

August, on a beach, with a Negroni in the other hand.

2. Where is you favourite spot to people watch? 

Public transportation.  If you wear headphones, turned off, you can even stare at them.

3. What is the easiest way to win a game of hide and seek?

If you are hiding, leave.

If you are seeking, emit a medically-alarming cry and fall to the ground.  Everyone will gather.  You win.

4. If you could design a Lego character describe what it would look like?

Arthur Rimbaud.  Then when you couldn’t find it amongst all the other Legos, you could say, “I suppose he’s in Abyssnia.”  What fun.

5. List one smell for: winter, summer, books, and writing.

Roasting porcini mushrooms, the Atlantic, whiskey, silver needle tea.

6. If you could help Santa deliver gifts or man a space craft which would you choose.

Why would Santa need help manning a space craft?  I’m good at delivering gifts–I have a nice, strong knocking hand–so I suppose I’d do that.

7. If I say, ‘when rain knocks on your window you should not turn the other cheek,’ you say ___________.

“But when snow rings the doorbell, fix it a drink.”

8. Writing is a dangerous sport, have you ever gotten an injury?

My office has a new low-hanging light fixture.  If I am dancing triumphantly I bonk my hand.  It’s karmic; one should not dance triumphantly about oneself.

9. What kind of a question is this?

What sort of person answers a rhetorical question rhetorically?

10. You are a summer camp leader – make up a chant of encouragement using the answers from question 1 and 5.

A chant of encouragement?  Do you know with whom you are dealing?

Thank you, Daniel. You are gracious and funny and deserve to be crowned by me, the King.

About Daniel Handler / Lemony Snicket

He is the author of far too many books, most recently Shouldn’t You Be in School?, the third volume in his new series, All The Wrong Questions, which chronicles his suspicious childhood and his childhood suspicions. His other books include the alleged bestsellers A Series of Unfortunate Events, 13 Words, and The Composer is Dead.

Links

https://twitter.com/danielhandler

http://instagram.com/lemonysnicketlibrary

http://www.lemonysnicketlibrary.com/

“I’m sorry you’re in summer camp, but apparently I’m trapped too,

Get me a whiskey or Negroni, and I’ll do something kind for you.”