The below are some of the business’ emails that are clogging up my account today. And here are my reactions towards their subject header text.

5 Things That Blew My Mind and Can Help You

Gross, this sounds like it needs a parent or guardian to open it. And the use of the word

BLEW reminds me of Kurt Cobain. And now I feel sad.

 

Take your website to another level through these 5 guiding levels.

Are we talking about video games here? Congratulations, you’ve lost this round because my head hurts.

For me, it’s like you had a good idea at the construction stage of the email but then it fell out at the subject header part.

Your email made me pause but in a head-tilt  concerned sort of way. Now I’m in there with you and make no scene no longer do I.

Question, dear email marketer: Do words bounce about on you?

I want to believe in you. You may just need to chill. Write some words down. Scribble them out. Write more. Play word association games. Turn the page upside down. Edit. Write less.

 

See Mary’s Connections

For the love of honey. LinkedIn stop it. You’re like an annoying little sister. Quit bugging me – I do not want to play dolls with you while my friends are over. Jeeez!

 

The Webinar is Tomorrow – Test Your Computer Now

OK, so I don’t know who will be talking at this. The coffee’s all gone. My screen is too small. But.

You are asking me to test my computer. And I kinda like that. We are all competitive human begins after all.

It’s TODAY!!

Yaaayyy! Why are we cheering so loud? This is so wrong that I kind of like it. So I will open it later. Maybe.

 

Twitter ads: No minimum spend, maximum control.

I like it. But…I am scanning my emails faster than a heat seeking missile and all that stands out are the words NO and CONTROL.

Why?

Why, for the love of bees, do email marketers use negative words in an email subject header. This email’s  only existence is to grab my attention by the wallet.

I wonder if this would have been better: With a Minimum Spend – Comes Maximum Control.

With implies alongside, and a partnership. A implies that it is a singular spend. I put the full stop at the end just to leave some space for the reader to fill. And it sounds more like a bold and confident statement. Like a thumping fist. Now that’s something I could get behind.

 

Dear email marketers,

Like, I’m so sorry that your day is busy. I get it, man. You are the mechanics that propel motion.

But I am a stressed out, media overloaded punter looking for someone or something to believe in. I want to spend my money. Sure, isn’t that why I signed up to your site in the first place? Or, wait, did I sign up just to get the free pdf? Cause that’s a whole other ball games, honey. And one I’ll save for another time.

 

I want you to make it easy for me. Let your glistening subject header sparkle in the slush pile that is my email account. Then maybe I’ll move you from spam to inbox. I may even start to read your email body, forward them on, heck, I might even check your business out on Twitter. And if you’ve good customer relations, are engaging and a bit funny…

Then, who knows, I may even buy?

Yours in email,

M

 

If you have an opinion SHARE it. No point in nodding or shaking your head, I can’t see it. Write. Use your words!

How does email marketing make you feel?

You know that when they use your name, it’s just an algorithm, right? Nasty; yea or nay?

Have you even received an email and thought that is was good, if so WHY?

Why do you sign up to business’ newsletters?